Maybe you’re born with it…. maybe it’s self made.

Owning your look, taking pride in yourself, walking with your shoulders back and your chin high, being bold in your decisions, and believing in your abilities….. What’s the magic that makes all of these things possible?

Self Confidence.

Some of us just seem to be born naturally confident and are faced with situations that inherently reinforce those feelings. That is an amazing thing + I am forever in awe of those people. Not jealous- because my experiences, both positive and negative, have made me into the complex human I am today and I wouldn’t trade any of that for a thing- but I am in awe because I think it is so fortunate and so rare. In my experience, most of us aren’t that lucky. The rest of us seem to be born more naturally insecure and are faced with situations that reinforce those feelings instead. The rest of us have to work toward feeling confident in themselves, and that can be quite the journey.

Confidence is a super power, that when harnessed, can unlock a world of opportunities and experiences.

The journey of building confidence isn’t something that you can ‘sort of’ do, in my experience. It is an ‘all in’ or ‘all out’ kind of process. I have had to work at it constantly and consistently over the years to build the confidence I have in myself today (and that’s not to say the journey is over!) Granted, your brain is an organ and not a muscle, but that doesn’t mean you can’t (or don’t) treat it as such. You can still exercise your brain and re-train your mental processes when building your self confidence, much like the way you do when practicing of building on other mental strengths or abilities. It takes effort and dedication to achieve this ‘confidence’ mindset to the point it feels natural and not forced, but when it is something you really want to feel, the hard work is beyond worth it in the end.

Feeling insecure can lead you to talking down on yourself, not believing in your abilities, holding yourself back from new experiences, and refraining from unlocking your full potential.

Your best self is in there & it is waiting for you to have the confidence to set it free.

I don’t have a rule book or quick step-by-step guide made up for teaching how to navigate this journey; but I can shed some light on a few things that helped me and how those things created building blocks for me during my journey toward building self confidence.

If you need to build confidence in self - work on falling in love with yourself first.

This sentence feels so global, but it something you can work on in every moment and every day - so it really hits that constant and consistent factor I mentioned before. Ways to love yourself can look like giving yourself grace, monitoring your self talk (and recognizing when and if you talk down on yourself), investing time and/or money on yourself, putting yourself on your priority list even when you don’t think there is time, and reminding yourself of your true worth from time to time.

‘Loving yourself’ is the strongest and quickest way to bolster your confidence, I truly believe that… but because that concept can take a lot of work in and of itself too, I wouldn’t want you to think that you have to take on that “journey within a journey” as the only way to build confidence… I just want to point out that if “Loving Yourself” is already a goal or objective you are working on, you may be light years ahead of where you think you are when it comes to building confidence, my friend! Just look out for the times those journeys intersect each other and strengthen your mission. You will feel incredible when you do so.

No one person builds confidence in a way that looks EXACTLY the same as another, so what you do to build confidence could look different from anyone else. Don’t compare; just treat yourself kindly and go boldly in the direction of building your confidence. Take what you think works, and look for something different when you think it doesn’t.

I can’t say I’ve figured it all out either - I’m still working on it everyday! But I can share at least four things that have helped me realize my strength, and have encouraged me to believe in myself.

Pep Talks
Don’t feel silly talking to yourself - ever. I always say “I’m my best consultant”, LOL. But it’s true!
YOU are your best consultant and can even be your best ‘encourager’ if you figure out how to just say the things you need to hear! It feels wrong, I won’t deny that, to say what you don’t necessarily feel or believe. You might not feel strong, but if you can just look yourself in the mirror and say it, “YOU are strong - you can do anything. Look at you, you got up, you got this far, and you can keep going.. even if you don’t feel like it. You’ve done it before”. Do I always feel the way I want to feel when I start saying this pep talk? No. But do I start to believe it the more times I watch myself say it? Yes. The strength is in there, it’s about manifesting it.
Invest Time in Yourself
If you don’t understand why this is important, go back to my previous blog post “Taking Time For Yourself Is Not Selfish- It Is Self Care” by clicking here. When you invest time into yourself you get to know yourself, and when you understand yourself you can better fulfill your needs, and when you better control your needs you are more likely to feel fulfilled you are then freed to put your best self forward. When you put your best foot or best self forward, you can embrace your true worth and when you embrace your worth you can begin to believe in yourself. Starting to see how this chain reaction works? Feed your soul and you can feed your self confidence.
Do Daring Things
Throw yourself into situations that feel uncomfortable as much as possible. How counter intuitive does that sound? But I swear it works. Push past “comfortable” and be daring every chance the opportunity presents yourself. Hate large events? Go. Hate small talk with strangers? Do it. Hate looking in mirrors at department stores? Confront your reflection. Scared to wear something loud in front of strangers? Do it anyway. Was it scary and did you maybe even dread it? Probably. But did it kill you? NO! & what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger (I know I know, lame saying - but it’s true). When you prove to yourself that you can do something that felt impossible previously, you start to believe in your abilities. Something that once seemed impossible to you will seem doable (even if only slightly) once you start engaging in more daring things, and that right there - feeling like things are even just “slightly doable” instead of impossible - that’s confidence. The more frequently you push yourself outside of a certain comfort zone, the more malleable the lines around that comfort zone become, and the more easily you can redefine those boundaries.
Practice Taking Up Space
A lot of people, myself included, have a difficult time owning the space they take up in the world. We feel the need to make ourselves smaller, quieter, and more out of the way than anyone else so as to not be an inconvenience, ever. This feeling is usually due to a lack of self confidence! Practice makes perfect - so practice owning the space you take up. A great way to start doing this is by power posing by yourself, at home and in a mirror. Practice power posing and taking up lots of space whole you do it. Put your hands on your hips and spread your feet shoulders width apart., just like a super hero. Puff out your chest. Stand with your arms in the air. Ball your hands into fists and then let them out and stretch your fingers as far as you can. Take up as much space as you need - as much as you can. Your presence is a gift, you need give it the space it deserves. Notice the way these stances make you feel and breath in that power. Eventually it will feel natural for you to stand in these more confident positions. When you respect the space you take up in a room you demand the respect of others by giving off the vibe that you belong in that space. Practice this and eventually you will inherently feel and understand that you are worth being in the room and worth the space you take up. And that - will build up your self confidence.

There is so much that confidence in self can do for a person; it can become a shield of armor, it can be the key to unlock doors to their future, it can be a stepping stone toward a happier life, and so much more. Building confidence can be hard, exhausting work… but it is so well worth the work in the end.

What do you do build your confidence?

Share how confidence helps you put your best foot forward below!